Lexi, my six year old granddaughter, is in trouble, again.

Her mother tells me, “Lexi is at the age where she is fascinated with people’s rear ends. And, she has her own computer. Not a good mix. The other day she came running into the kitchen and asked me to come and look at something.

“I went into her room and she led me to her computer, pointed at the screen and said, “Why are they doing this?”

I peered closer and oh my gosh! I said, ‘Lexi! Where did you get this?!’ She said she had gone to Google and typed in something like BumBums.com!”

“Mooom!” Summer wails to me, “It was some Butt Fetish website and there were all kinds of weird things sticking out of people’s bums! And I had to explain to Lexi why people would do this and what the meaning was!”

I’m laughing. I can’t help it.

“Mom, Lexi is coming up to visit you for awhile and I want you to watch her on the computer. I don’t know what she might think to look up, next.”

“Gee,” I say, “I never would have thought of looking for something like bum bums on the net!”

Last time Lexi stayed with me for awhile, it was interesting. Of course.

She looks at me one day and says, “You’re looking a little old, BaBa.”

“Oh no. I am?” I wilt visIbly in my chair.

“But, BaBa,” Lexi hastily says,  “you are very, very, very, pretty.”

“Oh. I am?”  I’m renewed.

“Yes, Baba, but then, you know, everybody is.”

I can’t help but love that kid and her outlook on life.

When we car ride now, Lexi keeps up a rapid stream of observation and outlook from her car seat behind me.

The mountain road is especially bad and has been involved with lots of deaths lately, mainly young people.

Lexi has asked about all the crosses and photos and flowers and hand written signs along the road.

I have had to explain ‘Death’ to her. I have attempted to put Death in a positive light, but Lexi has developed a rather constant fear of my dying.

She has asked me to promise, to really promise, that she will die first, before me. She doesn’t want me to die first. I am hard pressed to say I will accommodate her, as I totally want to die before she does. But Lexi begs and begs from the backseat, “Pallleeese BaBa, I want to die before you do. Please Baba. I don’t want you to die.”

She wrings out a few tears. She is good at that.

We wing our way down the mountain on the bad road and from the back, Lexi mentions every cross and flower, mentions anything she sees that catches her attention and reads every road sign.

“55 MI!”

“SLOW DOWN!”

“Grade.”

“Fasten your seat belts.”

“Turn on headlights next 15 miles.”

“Watch for deer!”

At one point she shouts out, “8.0 Grade! TURN!!”

My hand snaps at the wheel to leap out of the way of whatever is in the road but fortunately I remember there is actually nothing to turn away from, it’s just Lexi reading road signs.

“Can we talk about something else Lexi,” I say, “besides my death, and reading all the road signs?”

Lexi is silent for a few moments and then I hear her say, “God is alive, because It’s Mother Nature’s Son.”

Well. I think she just answered that lingering question that many people ask.

Maybe it’s true, maybe as she always tells us, she does know everything.

…………………………………..

By the way, I am on FACEBOOK now where I often post little snippets of weird stuff that happens day to day in my life. You might want to sign on to both my Friend and Fan Page as I do different things on each.

Look for Venus Andrecht

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FLOW DREAMING SEMINAR WEEK END IN THE WINE COUNTRY WITH SUMMER AND VENUS- Aug 8-9th 2009

Please go to www.flowdreaming.com

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TESTIMONIAL FROM A PHONE SESSION WITH VENUS:

“Venus, pretty much everything you told me last time we chatted on the phone…was totally true.”  A.J.

*FOR MY RATES FOR SESSIONS WITH ME and how I work…please go to my site  www.godisalwayshappy.com

*WINNER OF A FREE 15 MINUTE PRIVATE PHONE SESSION WITH VENUS: *Vera Mengucci

Offer good through July 1st 2009 After that null and void

We’re watching lightening fritz through the sky and hammer the hills around us. This is Southern California and a lightening storm is a novel sight.

Eight of us Art Guild Girls are sitting outside on a stone terrace, next to a undulating golf course, having lunch. The sky may be full of danger but as I am soon to find, there is more emotional danger at the  table.

We ‘girls’ range in age from 40 to 80 plus, years old. We are the President of the Guild, on down through the ranks to The Sunshine Girl, which is me.

We do all the work that keeps the art meetings happening in town, we bring the demo artists that perform for all the local artists once a month, we bring in money, award scholarships to High School kids, keep the Art Library going, put on art shows and etc. We deserve a lunch at the end of the fiscal year and I have finally convinced my Guild friends that we do indeed need one.

The ladies ask me to order the wine. I order a bottle of red shiraz named ‘Layer Cake.’ How can one not order something with a name like that? And, I order a nice chardonnay.

We’re having a fun time. Oh sure, one lady has to tell us a story about a cat that she took on a trip that kept disappearing and we have to follow that darn cat through almost every state in the union. I keep saying, ‘So did it all work out OK?’ and she keeps saying, ‘I’m not through with the story yet,’ and everyone rolls their eyes and takes another lick of ‘Layer Cake.’

We’re eating and drinking and laughing and I’m thinking, ‘Oh, this lunch was such a good idea. We are all so happy together.’  Suddenly, ‘Ardath’ who is lost in her 70’s somewhere, looks at me and says says in her high-pitched wavey voice, “Oh Venus..you have such a won-der-ful personality! You have a fab-u-lous per-son-ality!”

I’m grinning and thanking her, “Thank you Ardath, that’s so sweet, thank you..” when she adds loudly, ‘But, that’s all you’ve got!”

“Whaat?”

“Are you always this way?” she asks.

“Whaaat?”

Then, Ardath leans across the table and looks at me intently, as she shouts, “Are you Bi-po-lar?!”

“Whaaat?!”

My friend Loretta with the short dark hair, the woman who got hit by a truck across the street from The Gallery a few years back and lost her short term memory and her taste buds, verbally races to my defense.

“I’ve known Venus since she was a kid and she’s always this way! And, she’s not bi-polar!”

My Art Friends are all looking at the three of us and snickering. 

I am shocked. What the ‘ell does Ardath mean? That she thinks because I laugh and cut up and have so much fun, that I must be shallow?

I think we need chocolate layer cake. Chocolate cake can cure anything. All the ladies think this is a fine idea and we order several plates of chocolate cake with fudge frosting that we can share.

They ask me to cut the cake pieces up and put it on all the plates that are being shoved at me.

It’s a good, gooey, runny cake and I slurp mine up and temporarily forget that I may be shallow or  bi-polar and that I have a wonderful personality but nothing else!!

Geez. What a party.

Later, when I get home, I notice that I have chocolate smeared on the inside of my jeans from above my inner knee almost to the ankle.

How the ‘ell did that happen?

The next day I am still smarting from having a ‘Terrific Personality but nothing else” and I chew on the idea for a few more days. 

Then, the answer comes to me. Many years ago, when I was in Montreal, a French speaking woman read my tea leaves. I was having some trouble deciding what to do with my life and I asked her, “Which of my talents is my best talent? Is it writing, or art, or building businesses, or making money?”

The woman stared intently into the cup, then looked up at me and said, “It’s none of those.”

She leaned closer to me.

“You have a terrific personality. You are your best talent.”

At the time, I thought, ‘What does that mean? What the heck can I do with that? ‘

She very kindly didn’t add that I had nothing else, but on reflection, I think that the tea leaf reader and Ardath were on to something. 

Maybe it’s what we all need to hear. Just be yourself. Whatever that may be. Being yourself and being true to yourself may indeed be the best talent you’ve got. Your real and truest self can override shallowness, perhaps, and bi-polarity and anything else you’ve got that may not seem so great. How can you not love a person who loves and lives gaily and gladly with their own nature, whatever that may be? 

Think about it. 

I know some really odd people and even boring ones but by the very way they live their real selves truly, by being courageous and showing what they are and aren’t, they become unique, unusual and fascinating people.

So, here’s a drink of Layer Cake red Shiarz and a chunk of sloppy chocolate cake to all of us who have ‘wonderful personalities but nothing else’ except the courage to live our lives according to our real natures.

Hip Hip Hurray to us!

………………………………………………………..

MY MOTHER IS GOING ON FACE BOOK

(She doesn’t know it, yet. I have to run over and tell her…and teach her what to do. She tells me she gets lonely and Summer and I think it will be wonderful for her to have you all as Face Book friends. At almost 87 she is looking for a man, ‘with all his parts working’ so if you have one available, let us know! You will find Mom, eventually, under Margaret McWhorter. I will let you know when Summer gets Mom’s page put up. Won’t this be cool!

*PLEASE FIND ME ON FACE BOOK under Venus Andrecht..and my daughter is under Summer McStravick 

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TELE-CLASS WITH VENUS AND SUMMER is June 28th, 2009  See www.flowdreaming.com    I’ll be working on a wish especially for you and Summer takes you into a powerful flow dream

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SUMMER AND I WILL BE DOING READINGS TOGETHER ON MY ‘DEAR VENUS SHOW’ JULY 7TH, 2009

www.contacttalkradio.com        My show is every Tuesday live at 1PM Pac/4PM eastern FREE ARCHIVES. iTunes, podcasts  Always FREE READINGS on air.

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*WINNER OF THE FREE 15 MINUTE PHONE SESSION (For my Rates and info about the private sessions please see www.godisalwayshappy.com  Home Page under ‘Rates.’

Winner: Gabriella Berger

Offer valid through June 15 th, 2009 After that null and void

…………………………………………………………………………………………………

“I never saw so much blood!” my almost 87 year old mother is telling me. “I was finally feeling good again after 7 months of being sick from that flu shot. I felt so good, I went out to plant my garden and the next thing I remember is being on the ground. I think my ankle gave way.”

I bend forward from my chair to look at the offending ankle. It’s puffed up but it looks good in comparison to some of the rest of her.

Mom and I are sitting on her deck having a cup of tea. One side of her left arm is purple and green and red and the left side of her face is swollen into a large square shape. The skin is mottled purple and red around her mouth, chin and neck. Mom assures me that there is more damage that isn’t showing. 

“I bled all over everything!” she says. “Go and look!”

I get up from my garden chair and obediently trot down the deck’s steps to the part of the garden my mom points to. I notice blood splots all along the concrete path.

Mom has parked her wheelbarrow up against a low bricked area. Yep. There’s blood all over the bricks and blood all inside the wheelbarrow. There’s blood on the petunias still in their trays. Yikes.

“I soaked my clothes with blood,” my mother calls to me as I retrace my steps back to the table and chairs where we are sitting in the sun.

“Eeeh gads,” I say as I plunk down in my chair. 

I’m here to feed my mother. My sister Polly has called to say that Mom can’t open her jaw and she can’t chew. She knows, she says, that I am The Entertainment Committee and that’s my main job but she tells me we all need to blend up Mom’s food and somehow get it down her.

I have had a magnificent idea. While we are in charge, let’s get her healthy. I go in Mom’s house  to the kitchen counter where I have placed a big bag full of organic chard, lettuce, carrots, beets, herbs and live sow bugs. It’s all fresh from my friend Carol’s garden.

Mom has a juicer and by golly, I am going to juice all this up and feed the healthy drink to her. She will be well in quick time!

Mother is agreeable about the fresh vegetable juice. I wonder why. She knows how my cooking goes. 

While foraging now in her refrigerator I find that same stew that I made for her at least a month and one half ago. Remember that stew? The one who’s dumplings looked like flat waffles? It tasted terrible and I told her to toss it out. She had told me then that her dog Becky wouldn’t even eat it and that she was afraid to junk it in her garden because it might kill her plants!

Now, I shout,  ”Why is this stinky stuff stuff  still in your refrigerator?” and she says, “I didn’t know what to do with it.”

I say, “Just throw it out, Mom. Put it in the trash.”

My mother actually says to me, without any malice that I can note, “I couldn’t toss it, I was afraid it would kill me.”

I  grab that offensive stew, race outside and toss it in the field. I suppose now my mother will be afraid to walk out there, but hey, she isn’t walking much at the moment, anyway!

There is a bit of trouble with the juicer, but I’ve got the juice made now and it is ugly; kind of a green-brown glop, but yum yum, so healthy and fresh!

I pour the health drink into two fat and tall plastic wine glasses and take them to the deck.

Mother and I clink glasses and I say, “To your health.”

Mother downs the magic drink in a flash. 

Whoaaaaaa, Mother!

I pour her another inch or so of the brown ‘tar’ and then settle in to sip my drink.

We’re chatting along, sniffing the air and enjoying ourselves when Mother grabs her stomach and looks odd. 

“What’s the matter?”  I am instantly on the alert.

Mother makes a choking, gaging sound.

“I think I need a paper towel,” she says, “In case some of this comes up. It feels like it might come up. Urk. Urk. Urrrrk.”

“……urrrrrrk….”

Oh my God!

I run inside and get a paper towel and a two quart corning ware dish that is sitting on the sink, minding it’s own business.

I run outside.

“….urrrrrrkkkkk….” my mother is saying.

She tries to smile.

“Oh my God, Mother, what have I done? You drank that way too fast. It’s very potent. It probably hit your empty stomach and it’s too strong.”

Mother gazes at me from her distorted face.

“Oh gosh, Mom, I am so sorry. Things are bad enough; I was just trying to help you.”

She clutches her gut.

“It’s there already?” I say weakly. “Are you going to have the runs?”

“Maybe,” my mother says. “Let’s wait and see……urrrk. Urrk.”

“Maybe you need to go sit on the pot?” I say helpfully.

“Not yet,” Mom says. Her eyes roll a bit in her head. “Let’s just wait and see if things calm down.”

I look at my drink which is only half drunk. I slide it away from me, over the table top. Two of us don’t need to die.

Mom looks at the sky.

I’m thinking how the sisters will never ask me to cook for or feed Mom, again. I was only trying to hold up my end by helping out. And, now look what’s happened.

I try and engage Mom in small talk. She isn’t interested. 

“I think I will take your suggestion, Venus,” Mother says. “I believe I do need to go sit in the bathroom for awhile.”

She gets up from her chair and I am very helpful. I hand her the Corning Ware dish. 

“Just in case it comes out both ends,” say.

Mom disappears into the house. I continue to sit on the deck. I sit for a long time.

Finally, Mother re-appears and strangely, she has changed her clothes. Her multi-colored shiny, long sleeved, worn inside-out top is gone and so are her long, hot pink velour pants and her blue garden shoes with sox. She has on a sleeveless brown striped tee shirt and shorts with flip-flops. She looks very tame considering her regular outfits.

“Well?” I ask, as she settles herself in a chair. “Did anything happen.”

Mom laughs. “Yes. I had terrible runs and at the same time I threw up and threw up. I filled that Corning dish to the top. What a mess. Then, I got up to dump the dish and I mis-judged or bumped something and I threw that stuff all over myself and all over the bathroom! I had to scrub the floor and all the counters and the toilet and it even got on my towels. And, then I had to change my clothes!”

“Oh Mom,” I moan, “I am so sorry. I don’t know why these awful things happen when I do the cooking or even the juicing! You’re feeling so awful and then I had to make you violently ill on top of everything!”

“It’s OK Honey,” my mother says. You are always interesting. It’s a good thing your sister Polly isn’t here, though. This would have been hard on her.”

Yes, it could have been worse than it is. Polly has a phobia about people throwing up and we would have had to deal with her angst, too.

I stay another two hours with my Mother because she still thinks she might…just possibly might.. ..throw up again and have more runs. I make her hot peppermint tea and try to be charming and amusing to make up for my personal defects.

Finally, Mom seems to stabilize and I get up to leave. I take my empty stew dish and cover and put it in a plastic bag from Mom’s plastic bag pile. 

“Oh dear,” Mother says, “I wish you hadn’t. I use those bags for cat poop.”

She declines my offer to return the bag.

As I walk to the door I say again how very sorry I am that I made her ill.

Mom trills out, “Oh Honey, it’s always an adventure being with you! You fell from the stars! You scintillate! ”

I scratch my head. What is wrong with the woman. Is it really OK to leave her alone here?

Later that day, after my sister Polly sees my mother and gets the story of my visit, she calls me and says,

“You need to stick to The Entertainment Committee, Venus. Let the rest of us do the Cooking, the Medical, the Financial and all the rest of it for Mom. Just stick to what you do best…. It’s safer.”

……………………………….

“THE DEAR VENUS SHOW HAS CHANGED RADIO STATIONS.” 

I am now at www.contacttalkradio.com   EVERY TUESDAY 1 PM Pacific/4PM Eastern. FREE READINGS on air, FREE ARCHIVED shows and iTunes, podcasts, chat room, etc.

………………………………..

TESTIMONIAL FROM A FLOW DREAMING TELE-CLASS

“Three days after the tele-class I was contacted by a film distributor who wanted my short animated film. I know in my heart that this opportunity came directly from your help during the tele-class. The distributor kept telling me how the timing was perfect; she was looking for a certain type of film and mine just happened to be there the exact day she needed it…and I had sent it in many months before! Now my film is available for purchase through Apple’s iTunes store in the US, UK, Canada and Germany. It is a great opportunity for exposure of my artwork and also has the chance to add to my income this year. Thank you so much for your help!

Charlie”

(Venus always tells people that they can have all the wishes that she wishes for individual people in the class…if you want them)

For more information about the tele-classes, more testimonials and to sign up for tele-classes: www.flowdreaming.com

…………………………………………..

TESTIMONIAL FROM A PRIVATE SESSION OR RADIO CHAT WITH VENUS

“Hi Venus, I have to tell you that the next day after our session, I had a job interview and I got the job! The boss and new colleagues seem very nice and I am really looking forward to starting work on June 2nd. Thank you very much!!

Christina”

For my RATES and more information please go to   www.godisalwayshappy.com and click on ‘rates.’

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VENUS ANDRECHT IS NOW ON FACE BOOK. (Please sign up on my FAN PAGE as I spend most of my time there.) I am also on TWITTER. www.twitter.com/dearvenusshow

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WINNER OF THE FREE 15 MINUTE PRIVATE PHONE SESSION WITH VENUS:

*PETER AGWI* Offer good through May 28th, 2009. After that null and void

My ex-husband Ken, has given me total permission to say anything I want about him on this blog. Is he crazy? Or, was he drinking when he said it? I can’t remember, so that’s good enough for me, I will just imagine that he said, ‘yes’ while he was in his right and usual mind.

Ken is Summer’s dad. He is also known as Bumpa to our grand kids, Lexi and Loch.

Ken is going to build me a chicken coop. I have it in my mind that I want three red laying hens: Stella, Lolly and maybe Louise.

Ken asks me how soon do I want this coop. I say, “Right now. Immediately. I have already met my new chicken friends at the Diamond D Feed Store.”

We work out the perfect spot on my property. It’s almost under a giant scrub oak tree.

Ken paces out the size, raises one of his arms in the air and says, “The nesting boxes are just past my armpit.”

Then, he goes home.

He emails me several days later. “When I drive by in a few days on my way to my house in the desert, I’ll pick you up and take you to the desert hot springs.”

I email back and say, “No. I have a better idea. When you come by let’s go up to Ransom Brothers hardware store and get all the materials to build the chicken coop. Then we will come back to my house and build it. My chickens are waiting.”

Mother’s Day comes around and Ken is here at my house, babysitting our grand kids while my mother, my daughter Summer and four sisters and a woman friend, lunch and party.

Bumpa takes babysitting seriously. He sits on a chair near the end of the patio and watches the kids make mud pies, just beyond the metal gate. For hours. He watches the kids like an interested guard dog.

Meanwhile, a few drinks into the outdoor brunch, my daughter Summer mentions that another scrub oak’s arms are too far into part of my patio.

“Mom, no one can walk through here. We need to cut those branches out.”

I fly into a frenzy. “No! No! They’re my shade! I love my tree!”

I jump up, stand in front of the clustered leaves and defend them. “They’re covered with Christmas ornaments! You can’t cut them down!”

But, everyone agrees with Summer. The branches hang low and need to be trimmed.

I’m snarling and grinding my teeth.  This is my tree, my patio, my ornaments and my party!

My sister Polly with the glorious white hair, gazes up at me from her lawn chair. “You are so bossy,” she says. “And dictitorial. Why do you have to run everything?”

Her husband has just stopped by and hears the exchange. Later he asks Polly, “Do I get as bossy as Venus does when I drink?”

Polly assures him that he does, because she wants to run his life and get him to stop drinking.

Finally, I give in to the clammering crowd and say, “OK. Trim the branches, but not too much and you have to re-hang all the balls and you absolutely must not cut off the branch that has the long strip of sticky fly tape hanging from it.

 Summer and her cohorts do indeed whack off that branch, but we don’t know it, right away.

We don’t know it until Bob, my little brown dog, hobbles over to a sister with one of his forelegs taped to his tiny chest. He has wound himself up in the very long, very sticky fly tape strip that he has found on the ground, along with the untouchable branch!

We have to untangle him and I have to cut off half of his long-haired, guppie-like waving tail.

We shave off one side of his gummed up stomach hairs and Summer spends quite a lot of time scissoring out the sticky hair between his many toes and foot pads.

Ken is meanwhile, still intensely watching the kids make mud cakes.

My mother speaks up.

“Venus, I still have that chicken stew you made me in the refrigerator. The one with the dumplings that look like flat waffles.”

“Mom that horrid stew is a month old! I told you to toss it out weeks ago. It’s one of my failures.”

Mother agrees with me, saying, “Even my dog won’t eat it.”

“Mom,” I repeat, “toss it.”

“I don’t know where to toss it,” my mother says. And, without any guile or malice  what so ever, she adds, “I thought I could throw it in the garden but I didn’t want to kill my plants.”

“Mother! Did you just hear what you said? I can’t believe you said that.” 

I drop my face in my hands. 

This leads the family into Famous Cooking Stories about Venus.

“Remember when Polly had Christmas at her house and she told all of us to bring something we’d never made before? That was a mistake.”

Everyone hoots.

“And you, Venus,” says my sister Barbara, “made that horrible mashed potato thing.”

Candy jumps up from her garden chair and yells, “Yes! Two huge mounds of mashed potatoes on an old rusty cookie sheet and the potatoes were filled with all kinds of herbs and Venus had piled shredded yellow cheese all over the tops and sides of the thing…and Smiley put it in our oven with the glass door and within minutes, WHAM! The whole potato thing caught fire!”

Now Polly shouts, “And Smiley yelled, “Flamming tits! Flamming tits!”

Huumph.

After all the screaming laughter settles down, someone adds, “….And no one would eat it.”

I look over at Ken who is still intent on his kid watching job and I think, ‘I wonder if the man misses me and all those odd meals I used to make for him?’

The way Ken is looking at those mud pies and mud muffins and dirt cakes and rock cookies and red bush berry soup….I’m thinking that maybe he didn’t even notice that I wasn’t a regular kind of cooking woman. 

The wife that came after me never cooked. I used to feel sorry for him, but maybe he thought it was a blessing.

I’m pretty good with eggs, though and here I am, again, fixated on my chickens and that chicken coop. It looks like I’ll be making lots of egg dishes to startle and amuse the family. It’s been 35 years since Ken has had to eat my meals but hey…I may be making him some lavish egg dishes.

Life comes full circle in all kinds of ways.

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TESTIMONIAL FROM A FLOW DREAMING TELE-CLASS

(During the class Venus worked on a requested wish that one woman asked for to de-clutter and clean out her home. One picture put forth was to do it all just a little bit at a time. The following email comes from a different lady who took the same class, who had a different wish.)

“I have signed up for the next class you and Summer are doing as I enjoyed the last one so much. A funny thing, though, is that ever since that class I have been de-cluttering my home!

I guess not only did I need to do it, but I am enjoying doing it and just a little bit at a time! What fun!! The beauty of my home is shining through-all because of someone else’s wish!”

(Venus always tells people that you can have all the wishes that are wished other people for in the tele-class…if you want them.)

Next Class is for Wealth, Prosperity and All Good Things: May 23rd, 2009  Please go to www.flowdreaming.com to read all the testimonials, how the classes are done and to sign up.

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WOULD YOU LIKE TO WIN ONE OF VENUS’ PAINTINGS?

These are smaller paintings. Some watercolor, line work, and etc. It’s like Pot Luck. You can see some of the work I do if you look back through the blog.

If you have a testimonial about good or intriguing results you have had from working with me during a private phone session or while chatting with me on the radio, please email it to me. I will put your ‘note’ in the ‘pot’ and every once in awhile, pull some names for free paintings. 

You can email me at: tovenus@earthlink.net    Subject Line: PAINTING

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TESTIMONIAL FROM WORKING WITH VENUS

“I have loved talking to you during private readings over the phone. Once you told me something about myself that surprised me in a good way; it actually raised my self-esteem. I think about it every now and then. Talking to you brings things down to earth for me and eases the wondering and puzzling that I go through at times. The bonus is, you just make me feel good when I talk to you and your humor is so healing. I feel safe and secure about life; it’s like good conversations we have with our families. Thanks for being around!

P.L.”

FOR MY RATES PLEASE GO TO WWW.GODISALWAYSHAPPY.COM AND CLICK ON ‘RATES’

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VENUS IS NOW ON FACE BOOK (Please sign up on the FAN PAGE. I spend most of my time there.)

I AM ALSO ON TWITTER. WWW.TWITTER.COM/DEARVENUSSHOW

(And thank you a million times to those of you who have and are helping me find my way around in the Technological Ethers.)

……………………………………………………

WINNER OF A FREE 15 MINUTE PRIVATE PHONE SESSION WITH VENUS

*LAURA SCANIO* Offer good through May 21st, 2009. After that, null and void

………………………………………………

When my father went blind, I sometimes took him to the Blind Center where he could socialize. One day, I met an old blind lady there, named Ruth.  She was charming but what captivated me most was that Ruth had penciled her bald eyebrows into a surprised arch……. with a bright red lip liner.

I remember thinking, ‘Oh my gosh, is this my fate in my old age? Will I be doing things like this?”

Apparently so.  I look in the mirror as I’m getting ready for my big Studio Art Tour Event and I notice that I have outlined my eyes, top and bottom, not with a brown eyebrow pencil but with my red lip liner.

Eeeeh gads!!

I assure myself that the light in this bathroom is very poor.

It’s the day of the Studio Tour when hopefully, hordes of buyers will come and purchase my art.

Summer, her father Bumpa, and my grand kids are here to help me. Lexi is six and Loch is three.

Loch has arrived wearing his usual attire. A tee shirt, shorts, high plastic yellow rain boots patterned with some kid design and his large green and white cotton gloves.

He only takes his gloves off when he goes to bed. For several years now he has referred to himself as ‘a hard working man,’ and he likes to dress the part.

Summer tells me he wears the gloves so constantly that they have acquired a rank stink.

“I’ve washed them and bleached them but within a few days, the smell is back,” she says.

She tells me she is afraid that he’s going to get a fungus.

I used to think that Lock was the normal one in the family but now I have my doubts. He won’t take his boots off, either, except at bedtime. He won’t take them off when he makes mud pies or even when he walks on the sand at the beach. He does not like his bare, or even his sox feet to touch the earth or the floor.

He always uses good silverware when he eats and he insists on a napkin. He says ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and with his white-blond curly hair he looks like a Botticelli angel. The way he looks brings people to a halt.

He’s a beautiful Botticelli angel in high ‘work’ boots and filthy gloves who knows how to use silverware and a napkin while he eats in those smelly, but manly, hand coverings.

Loch is now busily running his fire trucks through my flowers and he’s getting the same halting reaction from all the people who walk onto my back patio, that he always gets where ever he is.  People stop, then stand and watch him. Sometimes they ask questions or make remarks. They shake their heads. They grin. Sometimes Loch puts on his fire hat or his working man hat and comes up to them and explains himself, “I’m a hard working man.” From under the hats his loose white curls blow in the wind.

My paintings start to sell. Lexi is helping me greet people and take their money. After an hour or so she comes over to me and says, “BaBa, I want to sell my paintings, too!”

I say, “OK, you have a stack of them here, why don’t you put a price on them?”

She grabs one of her paintings, the one with the peacock blue flowers and black design. She takes a thick black felt tip pen and at the middle top of the picture she scrawls, “$55.00.

(Gulp)

She picks up another painting and marks a big, black price on it. $43.00.

(Gulp)

Twenty minutes pass. People are coming in and out of my studio and some are buying my paintings. But, not Lexi’s.

Lexi’s lip trembles and tears come into her eyes. “Nobody is buying my paintings, BaBa.”

“Ummm,” I say. “I think you need to reduce your prices. Why don’t you try that?”

Lexi is invigorated, picks up her felt tip pen and grabs the the first several paintings. She crosses out the $55.00 price on the blue one, by marking it with a fat ‘X’ and writes the new price off to the side…right on the picture; “70 cents.”

The painting sells immediately! The buyer doesn’t have change so she gives Lexi 75 cents. Lexi is over the moon with joy. “BaBa, I made an extra 5 cents!!” She follows me into the next room, repeating, “5 Cents BaBa, I made 5 Cents!”

She rushes back into my studio and picks up the painting that is for sale for $43.00, scribbles out that price with the black ink and beside it she pens, “22 cents.” Her grandfather, ‘Bumpa,’ buys it immediately.

And so it goes. Four more of her paintings sell for drastically reduced prices.

Lexi decides she likes the art business. She hauls out a massive tablet of drawing paper and all my colored ink brushes and lays them out on the patio, where she sets to work creating more pictures.

Anyone coming into the studio has to step over her.

My art friend Bob arrives. My little dog Bob rushes to greet him as he does everyone else.

Bob sits down at the patio table with me, Summer, her father Bumpa, my ex-boyfriend Bill and a friend of mine named Jill who is helping me with the day. We, along with many  of the attendees, are sipping…or let’s be frank, slopping ourselves silly, on the wine which is the famous ‘Two Buck Chuck’. We are all having a mighty fine time.

Bob decides he wants to see my renovated house. I have been showing it all morning to people. I am beginning to think it would be more lucrative to charge for my house tours rather than try and sell my art.

Bob and I set off to take the tour. I get distracted by a few people who are sitting on my bed, remarking on the magnificent quilt that a friend of mine has made for me.

I lose Bob. I start looking for him and he can’t be found. I think, ‘Dang, did he leave without saying good-bye?’

Summer is standing in the hall as I am wandering the house looking for Bob. I stop next to her and say, “Summer, have you seen Bob? I have looked all over the house and I can’t find him!”

Summer looks at me with exasperation and says, “Why don’t you just put a leash on him and then you’ll always know where he is!”

I am startled. “Whaaaat?” I manage to say. “Why would you say that?!”

The door next to us in the hall opens and out steps my Art Friend Bob, from the bathroom. It’s obvious that he has heard our exchange and he looks at us both very oddly. It suddenly occurs to Summer and me that she thought I was talking about the Dog Bob, not Art Bob!

We kind of collapse and almost roll on the floor with laughter.  Actually, I think it’s the wine, ‘Two Buck Chuck’ that is laughing for us and fortunately, once we explain what Summer meant, ‘Two Buck Chuck’ works for Art Bob, too.

Another fun thing happens. Two ladies that I have read for over several years, show up. I have never met them ‘in person,’ just over the phone. These are the women who have ‘Baby Girl’ the Big Lizard as their pet. She is with them today and she is wearing a leash! She’s a lovely girl and everyone wants to hold and pet her.

Her owners tell everyone how I read ‘Baby Girls’ mind when she fell out the high window and got lost. They remark about how she told me another time about all the bubbles she loves and the ladies couldn’t figure what I was talking about until later, when they remembered ‘Baby Girl’s’ fixation with the bubbles in the frog’s aquarium.

The people who are looking at my art are now looking at the big lizard, then looking back at me. Back and forth.

My three sisters have arrived and are sitting on the couch with my mother, taking all this in.

Candy looks like she wants to make a remark but changes her mind. I don’t think I have told any of them that I am now reading lizard’s minds, along with people’s minds. In fact, I rarely mention my radio show or all the people I talk to in private phone sessions. My sisters and I talk about other things, like what to do about Mother who keeps sliding off her bed mattress at night and onto the floor and all the decapitated squirrels in her house that the cat brings in and how she found some old jello with fuzz in the back of her refrigerator that was at least three years old and she ate it!

The day eventually winds to it’s end. The people leave, I’m picking up cups and wine bottles and Lexi is sitting on a chair watching me. I say, “So Lexi, how is kindergarten?”

She shakes her head and makes a face. “I don’t like it Baba.”

“Why not?” I say innocently.

“Because,” Lexi says, as she snorts a little bit, “all the boys pick their noses.”

It’s not the answer I expected but it makes sense. Lexi is looking at me with her arms crossed. I think about saying, ‘Well, things will get better as you get older,’ but I have to tell the truth.

I say, “Well Lexi, boys are always going to pick their noses. It ain’t going to get any better.”

We both sigh.

I think about how when my sister Polly was ten, she and her friend Mary went down and sat by the road in front of our house and watched the cars go by for an entire afternoon.

When they trudged back up the hill, they came inside and gave their report at the dinner table.

“9 out of 10 men driving by in their cars,” they said,  “are picking their nose.”

Isn’t it funny how you remember certain things from childhood and not others?

Maybe Lexi will remember this day at the Studio Tour and how she sold her art, and she will be inspired to be a great artist.

…….I just hope she learns a bit more about money.

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*TESTIMONIAL From A Private Phone Reading With Venus:

“Venus, you were accurate with my on again, off again, friends-with-benefits relationship with ‘Hank.’

When you and I had our session, he and I hadn’t spoken for almost 3 months because back then I was so frustrated that I blew up and told him not to contact me again.

You told me that in his mind he had no idea what had happened with us. You asked him if he was willing to see me again. He said ‘yes.’ You told me if I went out with him again, it would only be more of the same for the rest of my life with him; that he would come around and that in his mind it was up to me if I wanted him to do that. You also said he had another woman he was interested in.

Well, this past weekend he called and we got together.

3 things happened. 1. He told me when we stopped talking 3 months ago that he didn’t understand what had happened. (!) 2. A picture of the other woman was on his nightstand! 3. And, my time with him was absolutely more of the same situation we have always had. Ding, ding, ding.

And, thank you Venus for all your well wishes for me and peace of mind wishes at the end of our call. I could feel it immediately. You have no idea how much they helped me. I feel those were the most perfect words and energies you could have sent to me.”

‘Susan’

*Check Venus’ website for RATES and a DESCRIPTION of how she works with someone on the phone. www.godisalwyshappy.com

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VENUS RADIO SHOW….A Comment From a Listener:

“Hi Venus!

Are you going to blog about your show on Tuesday (April 28th, 2009)?  What a hoot!  It was a déjà vu of the Verizon commercial – Can you hear me now?  Now – can you hear me now?  Ha HA – I could tell you were getting very frustrated but your audience was having a great entertainment time!

Love you!  Keep it up – Boy, I would love to meet your mother; if you are this funny!

Jill”

***VENUS RADIO SHOW HAS MOVED TO:

www.contacttalkradio.com  Every TUESDAY at 1 PM Pacific/4PM Eastern. FREE SESSION WITH VENUS GIVEN AWAY ON EACH LIVE SHOW, FREE ARCHIVES, ITUNES, LIVE CHAT ROOM and etc.

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*FLOW DREAMING TELE-CLASS WITH VENUS AND SUMMER.

May 23rd, 2009  For Prosperity, Abundance and All Good Things

Venus takes the email wish you send to her then looks into you from afar. She brings forth what she sees as the form of the wish that’s just right for you.  Next, she concentrates on it for 3-4 days. At the tele-class she tells you your wish and takes it into the powerful Flow Dream that Summer does for the small class.

For lots of testimonials and to sign up for a class please go to: www.flowdreaming.com

………………………………………………………………

* Winner of a Free 15 Minute Phone Session With Venus:   Steven Albright

Offer good through May 6th, 2009. After that null and void.

My granddaughter Lexi has been with me for two weeks and she is ready to go home.

We are both emotionally exhausted. 

One day I take her to the movies to see ‘Monsters and Aliens’ in 3-D. I get her a big bag of greasy popcorn and she sits in the aisle seat with me next to her.

The sound from the movie is suddenly like twenty boom boxes going off in a small room. Lexi jumps,sits back down, then keeps turning to me and shouting, “Is it too loud for you BaBa?! Are you OK?”

I assure her I am.

“Is it too loud for you, BaBa?!” she persists.

“I’m OK, Lexi, really.”

“Is it too loud for you BaBa?”

Then BAM! There is some kind of movie explosion, Lexi leaps from her seat and reflexively tosses her entire enormous bag of popcorn into the air and all over the aisle floor.

She wails and moans in despair.

Lexi is a very emotional child.

 I suddenly get it. The noise is too loud for Lexi but the only way she can say that  is to keep asking if it’s too loud for me!

Another day I take Lexi to the Wild Animal Park. You might think this would be fun, but the same thing happens to me that always happens to me at that Park. Lexi and I get wound up in the center of the Park and never make it to the animals. We just can’t seem to find our way to the lions or the gorillas or even the screaming birds. We do see a lot of food stands and shops and lots of fat jungle pigs but we keep seeing those same red snouted beasts over and over because we keep ending up at the pig pen.

It’s getting hot so we strip down a bit. This means that we eventually lose Lexi’s little red jacket with the fake rat fur collar. Lexi moans and cries and wishes very loudly that we had never lost it and what will she do without her jacket, forever and ever!

Lexi is a very emotional child.

We eventually find the jacket draped over a fence. It isn’t hard to find because we continue to walk the same damn circle that we have been walking for two hours.

 Lexi does get to ride the merry go round. She always rides the cheetah and by golly she rides it again today, four times. This is how it goes:

 She sits on the big plastic cheetah and straps herself in. Then we wait for maybe fifteen minutes. A bell rings, the carousel starts to turn and around and around everyone goes for about one and one half minutes. Then, it grinds to a halt. Lexi waits on the cheetah for at least another 15 minutes when the fun ride starts up again, and goes around and around for one and one half minutes. Then, it comes to rest and Lexi waits on the cheetah for the next forty years. 

At one point she’s on the other side of the carousel and I can’t see her from the cold stone bench I am sitting on. I get up and walk around the back of the merry go round to check on her and make sure she hasn’t been snatched by people looking to kidnap someone.

She hasn’t been kidnapped but she is hanging up-side down from a spotted horse, because she is strung up and hog-tied in a leather safety belt. She cries out to me and says she can’t get off the horse, that she is caught.

I have to rush onto the carousel and extricate her which isn’t easy. She decides the only safe animal is the cheetah and back onto it she goes. Another fifteen minutes and they’re off. And, then we wait and do it, again.

So much for The Wild Animal Park.

Lexi likes to eat. When we are home there is a constant chorus of “I want olives. I want pickles. I want ice cream, my Mommy gives me ice cream.”

(Yeah right.)

“I need more olives. I need more pickles. I want root beer. My Mommy gives me root beer.”

(Yeah right.)

“I’m hungry BaBa.”

She and I are always foraging through the pantry, the cupboards, the refrigerator and the freezer, hunting for something that she thinks she wants that I will allow her to have. And rarely do the twain meet.

When Summer comes to get Lexi to take her home, her mother and I have a few glasses of red wine (for our nerves) and subsequently decide it will be a good idea to put me on Face Book. Not that we know how to do this or even what it means or why we should be there.

Summer somehow gets me on three pages on Face Book! We are astonished. There is a personal page, a friend page and a fan page.

Summer says, “Mom, you only need one page as you will never keep up, otherwise.”

“What am I keeping up with?” I want to know.

 Summer isn’t sure.

We decide I only need a Fan page as I consider my radio listeners and the people I do phone readings with, my friends.

Good. We agree. But, we can’t find the Fan Page ever again.

 I realize that Summer is going back down the mountain and that I am being left with knowing nothing about how to find the page I want or what to do with Face Book.

I whine, “Summer, what am I going to do?”

Summer doesn’t know and I don’t think she cares as she has sobered up and it’s time for her to scoop up the kids and go home.

The next day I run my car down the mountain to the big book store and buy a manual on how to use Face Book. I am elated. It can’t be that hard to learn.

It is.

The book was published in 2008 but already not much matches the Face Book I have. I want to put my maiden name on a page so some of my old chums might find me, but what the book tells me to do doesn’t work. Nothing works.

I throw down the book in disgust. I think about another project I am trying to master. Energy medicine. Learning to balance  meridians and balance the body and health. It seems much easier then learning Face Book.

There’s also the Art Studio Tour this weekend. I am one of the artists on the Tour. This means I will have my home studio open on Saturday and Sunday for the paying public. They don’t pay me, they pay the Chamber of Commerce.

I will need to clean my studio and my house, price all my paintings, display them artistically in my studio, make huge pots of coffee, put out wine and cake,  and hope that I will make a few sales. Am I ready for this? No.

I have been on the Tour for a number of years and this is what actually happens:

50 gazillion people  come to my house.

They ooh and ahh over my flowers and trees and property, parade through my studio and then into what I call my Chinese Bathroom with the black wall paper with huge white flowers and the bright red floor and from there….

They scatter. Rivers of strangers stray through my house, ooohng and ahhhing and fingering my plants to see if they are real.

They sit on my queen size bed and on my Todo toilets.

They run the water in my kitchen sink and open my cupboard doors to have a better look at the pounded and stenciled tin insets. The remark on my vibrant red kitchen and the vivid bird wall paper.

They plunk themselves on my poofy couches and say things to each other  like, “Hummm, feels good here. Let’s stay awhile.” And they do.

 I decide I need to look better then I do for the wave of lookers this weekend.

So… I finally get my hair done. As you may know, my regular hairdresser ran off to Oklahoma at least four months ago. Shortly after that I got my hair done by a new stylist and she turned it a rabid rat dung brown.  Arrrgh. We must have miscommunicated.

I have since spent a lot of time sitting in the sun trying to get the color to fade, which it has.

I have now at last found another stylist. I have been three times to chat with her about how I want my hair. As of today, my hair color is divine because I have finally convinced her to let some of my natural white hair come into the artificially colored mix. I have also let my hair grow long and I like it.

However, in spite of the color, I do today, look like one of those long green onions with the white peeled knobs, because the woman has managed to plaster my hair to my head. Ah well. It’s humbling.

To further mortify myself I go out in public to an art demo meeting and to the grocery store and I look like hell. The hair is divine but I don’t look so good in it. Thank god I’m not a teenager as I might hang myself.

All of the above (and even more!) is why you haven’t heard from me on my blog, for awhile. When I start getting emails from you and you are saying, “Oh Venus, are you OK? You haven’t written a blog for awhile so I’m starting to worry,” I think, “Dang. Do they really want to know what I’m doing? Or, are they being kind? Do they really want to know that there is now a green onion on Face Book and that they know her?!”

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THE DEAR VENUS RADIO SHOW

Oh my. What a mess it was this past Tuesday. There were problems at the studio and my voice kept doubling back on me and it almost drove me mad. I had to push the headphones on top of my head so I couldn’t hear the feedback. Then I got dropped from the show! But, things finally cleared up and I did readings over the air. However, by that time, because of angst and frustration, I had knocked my forehead on my desk several times which may have made my connection with The Beings better or worse, I’m not sure. Tech problems are to be expected with a new show and all should be mainly good from now on.

I do give away a FREE 15 MINUTE PHONE SESSION with me, on every live show. You can hear the shows for FREE in the ARCHIVES and you have a week to check and see if YOU were the winner. (The live show also has a live chat room where you can gather during the show, that I hear is lots of fun.)

LIVE SHOW EVERY TUESDAY at 1PM Pacific/4 PM Eastern. “The Dear Venus Show” with Venus Andrecht. www.contacttalkradio.com

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NEXT FLOW DREAMING TELE-CLASS WITH VENUS AND SUMMER, APRIL 26TH, 2009  For Abundance and Prosperity and All Good Things.

This is where I work on a wish especially for you and Summer takes you and the wish into The Flow.

For lots of testimonials and to read about and or, sign up for the class, go to www.flowdreaming.com ……………………………………………………………………………….

PRIVATE PHONE READINGS WITH VENUS

For what I do and my rates please go to www.godisalwayshappy.com and look on the Home Page

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*WINNER OF A FREE 15 MINUTE PHONE SESSION WITH VENUS:  *Liza Zanoni* Offer good through April 22nd, after that null and void.

X0 Venus

Lexi stands in front of my ex boyfriend Bill and me. Her long dark blond braids are looped over her shoulders and onto the front of the pink T-shirt that is soft on the inside. She’s wearing the soft long pants that don’t itch her legs. She is staying with me for two weeks. She is my granddaughter, she is six years old, is in kindergarten and she knows everything.

Every since she was a baby, Lexi has known everything. She reminds us of her vast knowledge with irritating regularity.

We decide to put her to the test.

“What happens to food when you eat it?” we ask.

Lexi takes a big breath and begins. She demonstrates her answer with her hands.

“The food goes down into your bladder. The pee comes out the slit and goes one way. The food goes out another slit and heads toward your butt. There is a poop pump in your lower back that starts pumping and pumps the poop out your butt hole.”

She is totally serious. She tells us she learned this in science class.

When I call her father later and tell him about the Poop Pump and that Lexi learned this in science class he says, “I told Summer we should have put her in private school!”

Bill and I ask Lexi if she is willing to answer more of our questions. Indeed she is. She knows everything and is willing to teach us.

“What makes ear wax, Lexi?”

Lexi thinks for a moment as she trolls the information up from the depths of her great knowledge.

“OK,” she begins earnestly, “Some nose boogers go up your nose instead of down your nose. They go up to the top of your head and than down into your ears where they mix with fluid. That’s ear wax!”

We’re enthralled.

“Next question?” she says.

Bill pulls thoughtfully on his ear lobe and says, “How big is the moon?”

Lexi has the right answer, right away. “The moon is almost as big as the earth and the sun is two feet bigger.”

“Most interesting and astonishing,” I say.

“And,” Lexi says, ” black ants turn into red ants when they eat too much.”

The evening goes like this until Bill and I get tired of Lexi’s great wisdom.  I tell her it’s time for her to go to bed.

She sleeps with me, and as I am pulling up the covers and tucking us in, Lexi brings me up to date on my aging process.

“You’re a little bit old, BaBa. But only a little bit old. You have freckles.”

Oh my gosh, I’m so relieved. Last time she told me the flesh on my arms was swinging.

I can deal with freckles.

She then checks to see if I am wearing underpants under my nightgown as she doesn’t like bare bottoms in bed with her!

I pass the test.

Then The Little Genius kicks me all night.

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VENUS ON XM SATELLITE RADIO MONDAY NIGHT April 6th

Monday, April 6th, 2009.. 7-8 PM Pacific, Venus is live on XM Satellite Radio (Channel 158.) This will be archived at www.rollye.net

It’s a political show! I don’t know what I am doing there but it should be fun. The woman who has the show wants to promote me at the new radio station I will be working from. Isn’t that cool?

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FLOW DREAMING TELE-CLASS for WEALTH, PROSPERITY AND ABUNDANCE

(You get a Wish from Venus and are taken into the Flow by Summer)

April 26th, 2009. See www.flowdreaming.com for testimonials about the class and to sign up for the class with Summer and Venus

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PRIVATE PHONE SESSIONS WITH VENUS

Venus has unique talents. She reads minds and can tell you what the people you know, won’t tell you. For more information on what she does and her rates: www.godisalwayshappy.com

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VENUS IS NOW ON WWW.CONTACTTALKRADIO.COM

Every Tuesday, 1 PM Pacific/ 4PM Eastern. FREE ARCHIVES, POD CASTS, ITUNES. Fewer commercials, so more time with you. Venus does FREE READINGS for callers on the live show.

*One FREE PRIVATE PHONE SESSION with Venus is given away with each show. Make sure you are signed up to have a chance to win. See www.godisalwayshappy.com   Go the the Home Page and click on ‘Free Sessions and More.’

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WINNER OF THE BLOG DRAWING FOR A FREE 15 MINUTE PRIVATE PHONE SESSION WITH VENUS: *Maddy Farnor

Offer valid through April 10, 2009, after that null and void.

“Are you coming up town?”

My ex-boyfriend Bill, the one who lives in my studio apartment, calls me from his work. He’s been at the bank for two hours now and I wonder why he’s asking me if I am coming up town. I’m suspicious and as it turns out, I have a right to be.

“Well,” he continues, “…..I just noticed that I wore two different pairs of shoes to work.”

I’m quiet, soaking in the picture.

“Well, OK, so it happens, ” he says. “I need you to go in my room and find a black shoe with laces. Get the Tom McCan one, I have to match it with the other shoe on my right foot. So, get the left foot, would you?”

I start laughing. And laughing. I snort through the rest of the phone call where I promise to bring him a matching shoe.

I run out to Bill’s place and root around in his shoes. Grabbing the one he wants, I run into my house and find my housekeeper. Isabel doesn’t speak any English but when I pantomime Bills’ trouble and shake the shoe in the air, Isabel gets it. She laughs and laughs as she waves and shakes a blue duster in the air.

On my way up to the bank to salvage Bill’s reputation, I stop to see my mother. I have to tell someone Bill’s hilarious news.

I say, “Guess what Mom! Bill wore two different shoes to work and he didn’t even notice it for two hours!!”

I’m jerking and grinning and giggling and ha ha ha-ing.

Mom looks and me and says thoughtfully, “…..I’ve done that.”

“Oh geez Mom, you would.”

Mom doesn’t see the humor.

“You and Bill are just alike. I don’t know where you two live in your heads.”

I sigh and mumble, “Dang, a good story wasted.”

My mother has recently dropped a heavy load of books on her left foot which has laid her up for days. When my brother in law calls to tell me she’s done this, he shouts, “Do you know what has happened to your mother!!?”

I say, “No. I don’t.”

Ron sounds exasperated and says, ‘I thought not!’ …….and hangs up.

Which leaves me to wonder, ‘what happened to my mother?‘

I have to call back and have a sister tell me. Ron hadn’t bothered to tell me because once again, Mother hadn’t bothered to mention something of note. She just doesn’t notice things that other people might think are extreme, like strokes and lung cancer, which she has had and which passed by with little comment from her.

Since I’m here at Mom’s we might as well have tea. Mom is in the tea leaf reading ‘biddness’ now. At least, she thinks she is. She is almost 87 years old and has been insisting she needs a job for years now.

A few weeks ago she was asked to read tea leaves at the local Historical Society’s Tea. My sister Barbara helped her pack up her tea pot, leaves and the *tea leaf reading book she wrote, watched her dress in one of her usual odd outfits and drove her to the party.

When I arrived later at the Society, there was Mom, sitting at one of the tables with about six ladies, reading their fortunes in a cup. She was wearing her red velour pants, her blue plastic gardening shoes, a little yellow sweater with spaghetti dried on the breast of it and an old brown jogging jacket. On her head was a magnificent glossy creme colored silk version of a large mixing bowl draped with huge beige flowers, pale netting and pearls.

As I popped into the room, I noticed three tables of women at full attention as Mother was reading one of the guest’s tea cup. The lady appeared to be in her late forties or early fifties, with thick dark hair, full red lips and a giant hatted head full of stuffed spotted birds and colored chiffon.

“Oh…” Mother was saying as she peered intently into the cup, “ummmm…I see a man! He’s a handsome man with dark hair and he has lots of money. I see that you have been going on trips with this man and it’s a very tempestuous, passionate relationship.”

Mother looks up into the woman’s eyes as all the other women gasp delightedly, titter and ‘oh’ and ‘ah.’ The lady in question looks pleased and demure.

Mom stares back into the cup and continues, “yes, he’s very rich and he has a well known position in local  society, and oh my, he’s married!”

The room erupts with startled and happy shrieks and Mother looks pleased. She must be doing a fine job. The guest snatches her cup back and manages a wan smile.

“Let’s read someone else’s cup,” I say as I trot over to Mom.

Everybody wants their cup read. Apparently, Mother has proved herself.

Later, the woman with the married boyfriend asks me if I can bring Mother to read leaves at her next function and someone else from another table tells me she wants my mother to come to her party, too.

Mother is in business. She’s officially in the tea leaf reading business.  Mom tells me later that I am her business agent.

Just what I need. Another job. I can see myself driving an almost 90 year old spaghetti breasted tea leaf reader dressed in gardening shoes and an enormous, flapping, flopping hat, all over the county. Heck, maybe I can get her on Oprah and then I will really have a big job.

*My mother’s book (It’s how to read tea leaves) is “Tea Leaf Tales” by Margaret McWhorter. $10 plus $6.00 Priority Mail.  Mail your request to Margaret at 3601 Main St. Ramona, CA 92065

(You see, I am acting like a business manager, already!)

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TESTIMONIALS from Venus’ Private Phone Sessions:

“Thanks for the time you gave me yesterday. It helped me and has cleared my mind and I feel better and am ready to take the necessary action to move my life.”

Y.N.

“I did what you told me to do and I let go and let GOD…and today I was accepted for an apartment and I move in on Saturday. Thank you!!! For all your positive energy that you sent me, I believe it had a lot to do with me getting a place to live.”

P.V.

(For my phone rates and how I work, please go to my Home Page. www.godisalwayshappy.com)

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FLOW DREAMING TELE-CLASSES WITH VENUS AND SUMMER  April 26th, 2009

Flow Testimonial:

Venus, remember that my wish was to get a new job and get out of debt?

(After the class I got a job!) where I have the chance to make MORE money each year than I used to make at the bank. It will be much less stressful and lots of fun. So…we manifested my wish in less than 1 week and only 3 days after taking the tele-class.

YOU WALK ON WATER!! Thanks from the bottom of my heart!!

Mary Jean

*Next Tele-Class is APRIL 26TH, 2009  For Wealth, Prosperity and Abundance.

To read many more testimonials and sign up for the next class, please go to: www.flowdreaming.com

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THE DEAR VENUS SHOW MOVES TO ANOTHER RADIO STATION

and ***changes time*** to 1:00 PM Pacific/4 PM Eastern:

Starting April 7th, The Dear Venus Show will air live, every TUESDAY at 1:00 PM Pacific/4 PM Eastern. www.contacttalkradio.com

Venus is on EVERY WEEK, with fewer commercials, Free On Air Readings, Free Archived Shows, Pod Casts, ITunes, and a winner is chosen each live show for a free 15 minute private phone session with Venus.

The First Show is April 7th, 2009 at 1:00 PM Pacific/4 PM Eastern. See you there???

*THE SHOW CALL IN NUMBER TO TALK TO VENUS FOR THE US AND CANADA IS 1-877-230-3062. International callers, dial your country’s international code for the USA than dial 425 644 5620.

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*WINNER OF A FREE 15 PHONE SESSION WITH VENUS IS: *catherine verge

Offer is valid through March 30th, 2009. After that, null and void

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When I disappear from the blog for awhile, you know something is going on, don’t you.

Well, yes it is. I have ‘The Roofies.’

Let me explain. When I was a kid I had chicken pox.  When this happens, later in life, the virus known as herpes zoster, can flare up and cause an exceedingly painful condition called shingles. That’s what I have. Shingles.

It’s been agonizing, with my skin burning like it’s on fire, a deep aching pain in my upper right back and right arm and part of my chest and my mind in figurative shreds. I have sat and cried with the pain. I am slowly getting better but at the height of it, I was doing odd things.

I try and tell people what is wrong with me and I say things like, “I have Syphilis. No, no,wait,  I mean I have shingles!”

Or, I say, “I have Sphincter. No wait, that’s not right!”

Or, I whine,  ”I have The Spindles!”

People are amazed and transfixed by my revelations.

I keep thinking, ‘What is the matter with my mind?’ My brother in law, Dr. Ron, says I can’t remember the word because I am in deep denial. Maybe so. I think maybe it is the pain and maybe the anti-viral drug that has loosened up all my mental strings.

Finally, I think, ‘I have to remember the right word for this. I must, I must.’

 I get a bright idea. I think of the shingles on a roof! Clever, don’t you think? I say over and over to myself, ‘Think of roof, roof, roof.’

Now I find myself announcing, “I have The Roofies!”

After about a week and a half I drag myself to the grocery store. I grab a cart and meander slowly up and down the isles collecting things.  30 minutes later, an older lady grabs my basket, shakes it then leans into and starts digging through my groceries. I am a bit amazed.

The woman says, “Someone stole my basket! I’ve looked in every basket in this damn store and YOU are the one who stole my basket!”

My head bobbles on the stalk of my neck as I lean forward and look into the basket. Umm. I do see a few things that I didn’t put there. Oh my gosh. It’s not my basket.

The woman is trying to be pleasant but she is filled with righteous anger and yellow pissiness. I figure she has probably been searching stranger’s baskets for at least 20 minutes.

I say, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

I almost say, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please forgive me, I have syphilis.” I bet ya’ she would have run off if I had said that and left me with the basket!

But, I don’t say it and the woman makes me pull all my groceries out of the cart and I have to pile them high up in my arms where they slip and slide. There is a mighty weight of them weighing on my painful arm.

I sneak off to search for my basket and indeed, I too must traverse almost every isle before I find it. It sits alone looking embarrassed for me. Thank goodness no one has run off with it.

I belong at home until this pimpled, burning weirdness passes and I can than go out in public where I won’t embarrass myself by stealing things or telling people I have syphilis. 

(Please, my friends, I beg you, don’t tell me any horrid shingles stories. People feel it’s their duty to tell these to me and it makes me crazy. Never tell a sick person bad news! My sister in law tells me that people actually say things to her and my brother Art who has had the acute leukemia, things like ‘Oh, my aunt had that and she died!’ ………..Remember it’s a far better and happier job to uplift people than to slam them down. Always scatter Good Wishes wherever you go.)

Thanks for listening to my ‘woeful’, but passing, tale!!

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*ANNOUNCEMENT: VENUS IS MOVING HER “DEAR VENUS SHOW’ TO ANOTHER INTERNET STATION

Starting April 7th, 2009 at 2PM Pacific/5PM eastern, “The Dear Venus Show” will be moving from HayHouse Radio to www.contacttalkradio.com.  (Please make a note of it.) Also, please note that I am hoping for a better time slot so this day and time may change. Make sure you are on the BLOG FEED so you are automatically notified when this happens.

*CALL IN NUMBER FOR  LIVE RADIO READINGS IN THE US AND CANADA: 1-877-230-3062

(I’m still working on the world wide call in number.)

The Good News: I will be live on air FOUR times a month, with few commercial breaks. This means more time to chat with you.

I will be taking your LIVE CALLS and doing FREE readings for you over the phone lines.

I will draw one name per show for a FREE 15 minute PHONE SESSION with me.

All shows will be Archived and will be FREE to access.   iTunes also available

***I need your help. Please tell or email all your friends about my show and new station. I need a good sized audience in order to be able to keep the show on this new station. Thank You for your help!

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*VENUS DOES PRIVATE PHONE SESSIONS: Please see my rates and what I do at: www.godisalwayshappy.com

A Testimonial: “After our phone call and your chat in the reluctant man’s head; the man who was avoiding me, remember? I saw him today and he said, ‘I am so lucky, I’ve seen you four times today.’ And, he gave me a hug!”

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FLOW DREAMING TELE-CLASSES WITH VENUS AND SUMMER: FOR MONEY PROSPERITY AND ABUNDANCE 

(We all work together to get you in the flow and to help make your wishes come true. Venus looks into you and concentrates for 2-3 days on you and your specially chosen wish, before the class.)

March 14th-Saturday, 10AM Pacific. (A few spots left.)

April 18th, Saturday, 10AM Pacific. 

 See www.flowdreaming.com for testimonials, information and to sign up for a class

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*TWO WINNERS FOR A FREE 15 MINUTE PHONE READING FROM VENUS.

(To be eligible, you must be signed up through my site. (www.godisalwayshappy.com  Go to the home page and click on  ”Free Sessions and More”. Then also put your email address on this blog FEED, up and to the right. Thank you.)

WINNERS: Khrysztian Miller and Kar Decker.   Offer good through March 16th, 2009 After that, null and void

Mother and I are having a glass of wine. We’re sitting inside her home at the ratty round table in her dining area. I have just swept off a pile of really old papers, used napkins, envelopes, pencils, dead flowers and dry cat food. Mother removes her dog Becky’s box of dog cookies, “Which she won’t eat,” my mother says. “She just likes to carry the cookies around the house.”

Mom tells me how her fluffy black cat Josie, the one I found abandoned while out walking, is bringing dead field rabbits into her bedroom almost every day and she and Becky the Dog tear them apart and eat them, just outside Mom’s clothes closet.

This is nothing to be concerned about.

I mention that I have just finished baby sitting my six year old granddaughter Lexi for five days.

“We went to Jimbo’s one day; you know the organic grocery store where everything is so high class and so expensive. Lexi saw some cupcakes in the bakery case and desperately wanted one.”

Mom smiles and nods.

“Well, you know her mom doesn’t let her eat sweets, so it’s a special deal when she gets something like that. Lexi keeps pressing her face to the glass case and gazing at those chocolate cupcakes. And begging me to relent and get one for her.”

Mother says, “Oh, I like chocolate.”

“Yes, and so does Lexi. And these cupcakes are swirled and piled really high with bright pink frosting. Lexi’s beside herself with desire, so finally I say, ‘OK, you can have one.’ She then immediately starts twrilling in the isle and spinning with delight. ‘Oh thank you Baba! Oh thank you Baba!’”

Mom nods again and smiles.

“Well, the nice lady behind the counter pulls out the plate of cupcakes and lets Lexi choose the biggest, most gigantic one with the most frosting. The lady puts it in a special see-through plastic box with a shiny red bow tie. Lexi wants to eat the cupcake right away but I insist we pay for it first!”

“So, it takes about twenty minutes to finish shopping and get to the car and the whole time Lexi is gazing fondly at that cake, smiling and laughing and is so excited she’s practically mad with wanting it.”

Mom is still smiling and nodding. She knows there must be some reason why I am drawing out this really mundane, boring story about a cupcake.

“We get in the car and I tell Lexi, ‘OK, you can eat it now,’ and I turn the car onto the freeway. Next thing I know, Lexi lets loose this outraged screech! I am so startled I almost jack the car over the center line. 

“‘What’s wrong, Lexi?!”

Lexi howls. And howls. And howls. She sounds like a wild cat.

“Lexi, I can’t help you, I’m driving! What is it?”

Lexi is choking with sobs. “The frosting tastes bad, Baba! I hate it. I hate it. It’s bad, Baba.”

She shoves the cupcake over my shoulder. I lean down and take a bite.

Oh my gosh. It’s cream cheese frosting. It’s not that wonderful swirled pile of sugar that Lexi thought she was getting. That mound of sugar that she had begged for, the sugar that she rarely gets. She had been so delighted with her good fortune and now this…this imposter!

My mother is sympathetic as I continue the story. 

“Lexi just keeps sobbing. She can’t get over being deceived by that cupcake.

I tell her things like, ‘Well, you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.’ Which makes no sense to her, so I try and explain, but that’s futile.

And I say ‘Well this is a lesson that everything that looks good or like gold, isn’t always’. And, ‘There are many disappointments in life.’

Lexi isn’t open to Life Lessons right now. None of this preachy talk has any effect on her emotional disappointment and her wrenching sobs so you know what I have to do. I have to eat that damn cupcake because you can’t waste food, especially anything chocolate. And, Lexi sobs loudly for most of the drive home.”

“Did you give her some chocolate ice cream when you got home?” my mother asks.

“No. I gave her a popsicle. An all natural lime popsicle with no sugar.”

Now, my mother looks disappointed.

Then, she brightens up. “You know,” she says, “I had a big bag of peanut candies and I ate a bunch the other day and I got really, really sick. I’ve had diarrhea before but this was different. It was bad. I was terribly ill.”

I suck air. “You ate peanut candy!? Mom, don’t you know that all these people have been getting salmonella from peanut products because of that filthy plant that had to shut down recently? People are dying from peanut products Mother, old people, especially 86 year old people  and you’re eating peanut candy?”

“Yes,” Mom says. “And, the next day I ate some more.  And I got really, really sick again, so than I threw the bag away.”

I put my head down on the table top. I spend a lot of time putting my head down on table tops because of  my family.

“And, how is Rat Man,” I ask, just to change the subject.

Rat Man is what mother calls the pest control man who was hired to rid her house of ants and spiders and other crawlies. (Dead rabbits and squirrels in the house are OK.)

The last time he was here, I was visiting Mom. She casually mentioned to me that she had had no heat or hot water and the gas stove hadn’t worked either, for more than 24 hours!

“Gads! Mother,” I remember whining, “why don’t you mention these things?”

I run outside and get Rat Man.

“Can you help us, please?” I say. “Would you look at Mom’s water heater and see if the pilot light blew out?”

Rat Man is a young guy and quite amiable about helping old ladies, it turns out.

“Sure,” he says. “Where is it?”

I grab Mother and we waffle and whiffle down the porch steps together in a very strong wind.

The water heater, it turns out, is screwed in behind a metal door on the outside of her metal trailer!

Rat Man looks at the door. There must be fifteen tiny screws in that metal door, screwed tight into that metal trailer.

Eeeh gads. Is this a job for Rat Man? He only kills vermin. But, he has his ego and his honor to think of.

He finds a screw driver in his car and begins to turn the screws. It takes a very long time and did I mention that big, icy cold, stiff, raging wind we three are standing in?

Finally, the door is off and oh my gosh, the webs and spiders. Rat Man will need to add some extra squirts of pestie paste in here.

He leans down and into the mess, looking for the pilot light. It’s a hard find. Mother and I are hanging over his shoulders, one on each side.

Rat Mans find the pilot. Rat Man takes a match out of his poket…did I mention that Raging Wind? And valiantly tries to light the son-of-a-b….

He tries and tries. He finds more matches and strikes more matches. He’s getting red in the neck.

Mom has a question for him. She leans even farther over his shoulder and says to me, “Is this the same man that tried to light my pilot light on the stove last year and got blown clear across the kitchen?”

Eeeegh gads! 

“Mother,” I say, “this is not the time…”

Rat Man sounds like he is whimpering.

“Are you the same man,” my mother persists, “that had the gas explode while he was lighting the stove pilot and it blew him across the kitchen and the lady that was with him started screaming and screaming so loud that I could hear her in my bedroom and I’m profoundly deaf, you know.”

I’m dyin.’ I’m laughing so hard I fall to my knees.

Rat Man jumps straight up and steps on me. “I got it lit!” he says. 

Thank you God.

The question is:

Why do I often wobble home from my Mother’s??

 The answer:

Sometimes it’s the wine we drink or the peanut candy we eat and sometimes it’s the things that happen over there.

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GOOD NEWS! My brother, Arthur, is in complete remission from acute leukemia. He will be on chemo pills for two more years. But, no more talk of bone marrow transplants and stem cells and all of that. We are all elated. Thank you for all your prayers and good wishes. X Venus

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*TELE-CLASS FOR MONEY, PROSPERITY AND ABUNDANCE with Venus and Summer McStravick. MARCH 7, 2009   See www.flowdreaming.com for class information and sign up info.

**IN PERSON!!!   A SPECIAL LIVE IN PERSON “RETREAT WEEKEND” WITH VENUS ANDRECHT AND SUMMER MCSTRAVICK.  Sept. 18-20th 2009 at Asilomar, a California State Park on the coastline in Montery County, California.  This was the setting for Dr. Wayne Dyer’s movie, ‘Ambition To Meaning.’  *EARLY BIRD SPECIAL PRICING IF YOU SIGN BY MARCH 7th, 2009.*

See www.flowdreaming.com for the details and sign up. Look for ‘Flowdreaming Retreat Weekend.’

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*Venus pulls 2 names FOR FREE 15 MINUTE PHONE SESSIONS, EACH TIME SHE DOES A LIVE RADIO SHOW. “The Dear Venus Show”, every other Weds, 9AM Pacific/12 Noon Eastern. Offer is valid for a week so you can catch the show on replay.

(Next live radio show is Weds Feb 25th. “Match Maker Make Me A Match.” More real stories from the dating world and Venus talks about her internet dating experience.)

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2 WINNERS OF A FREE 15 MINUTE PHONE SESSION WITH VENUS:  *Toni-Lynn Beal and *Vaso Williams. Offer valid through Feb 27th, 2009. After that, null and void

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I love to hear from you. If you wish to leave a comment please scroll down to “comments” and click on it.