Posts Tagged ‘ cousins ’

How Embarrassing

Wednesday, September 4th, 2013
[caption id="attachment_2925" align="aligncenter" width="300"] The Watermelon In The Compost Pile[/caption] Yippee! There's a volunteer watermelon growing in the compost pile! The fruit is round, it's big and green and gorgeous. There's a family party at my house today on Labor Day and Bill and I can't wait to show the melon to our large family. We've been talking to each other about this lucky melon for days. Won't people be surprised and envious?! The family includes my Great Aunt Ruby and three of my 3rd cousins who I don't know well. We'll show them how great country living can be! Melons growing like gold in the garbage dump out back! In fact, everyone will be impressed when we drag all 30 people out to see our prize. And then...and then, we will pick it... and bring it around to the front of the house. Then, with Ceremony we will cut it up and all of us will eat watermelon for Labor Day! Here's what really happens: We force everyone out back to meet The Melon. We're exclaiming over our good fortune to have watermelons growing so unexpectedly. Crowing about how lucky we are. We point to the big melon with pride. But, you know...there's always a Party Pooper at every party. Someone says, "Damn. That's not a melon." The crowd presses forward. A cousin steps up, leans over and yanks the melon from it's nest. Oops. What the hell is it?   [caption id="attachment_2927" align="aligncenter" width="287"] Venus With The Wild Watermelon[/caption] How embarrassing. Maybe it's a 'Wild' Watermelon? Everyone is laughing and hooting at our melon. We carry it out front. I hold it in my lap. What can it be? Everyone has their loud opinion. Bill snatches the watermelon from my grasp. He wants to hold it. People are hooting at us and making foul comments about the paternity of the melon and how could we have actually believed we had watermelons growing out back!? They want to see what's inside it. They want Bill to prove it's a watermelon.   [caption id="attachment_2931" align="aligncenter" width="131"] Bill Has A Bad Finger. Arthritis.[/caption] Bill suddenly snaps. Clutching the big melon, he jumps from his chair, runs to and climbs up the metal stairs to the roof deck on my house. He's been drinking. Most of us have been, and frankly, we haven't stopped. High in the blue sky above us, Bill holds the melon up over his head. "You want to see what's inside this?!" he shouts. "Do you? We'll find out what it is!" We're all shrieking and running as he slams the melon to the concrete below. [caption id="attachment_2935" align="aligncenter" width="206"] My Daughter, Summer...Rushing To Inspect The Wild Melon[/caption]'s not a watermelon.
We Were Fooled By A Compost Watermelon!
I believe this is the biggest acorn squash I have ever seen. How embarrassing. *Do you know the kind of work I do when I'm not busy having Adventures?  THIS YEAR is a great time to have a Phone Reading with me!   Visit me at for rates and availability. *Would you like to receive my NEWSLETTER: 'The Juicy News' ? Sign up where you see the Blue Head Phones on the right side of this blog story on the original blog page: *If My True Life (this Blog) gives you a lift, please consider EMAILING it to your friends. You will keep me writing and that is good for my mental health. Better To Get These Weird Things Out Of Mind, Rather Than Keep Them In, right?
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Restoril For Sale

Sunday, May 9th, 2010

Restoril For Sale, My brother has just finished telling us about the massive gray polyps in his colon, found with a colonoscopy, polyps that, according to Jim "Had their big heads waving around in there on long skinny stalks."

My sister Candy, my brother Jim and I are sitting in a booth with our 87 year old mother in a Denny's Restaurant. We're having breakfast; a Senior Special, one waffle, eggs and bacon and something that sounds like "Eggs Over Hominy."

We've been 'enjoying' Jim's graphic description of what he had to do to clean his bowel the night before the procedure, Restoril no prescription. I'll save you from all of it except to say that Jim had to buy his laxative supplies at the drug store and he swears that one of them was called "Move-A-Quick," or something like that, Restoril description, " and he swears it lived up to it's name.

My mother, my sister and I start clattering our silverware on the table and making little squeeking noises so Jim abruptly changes course.

"So, Restoril without a prescription," he says, "my daughter told me yesterday that all her friends at school think I'm gay."

Jim's married and his daughter is seventeen.

"She said, 'Dad, you have to stop flopping your hand like that.' Jim shows us a little hand flop, Restoril For Sale. Order Restoril online overnight delivery no prescription, Jim laughs. "Im not gay, so I think it's funny that people think I am."

"Oh, it's probably because you're so good looking, Restoril results, " I say, "and because you're sensitive and you like to talk about things and you're charming."

Jim preens a bit. Restoril schedule, He has lots of glorious platinum white hair, like the rest of us do in our family. It strikes us at a young age and we spend a lot of time and money trying to cover it up...until we finally just give it up and let it be. Restoril For Sale, "A lot of people think you're gay," Candy says. "Why is that, Restoril coupon. You have some gay friends that you hang out with, maybe that's why."

"I like gay people, Where can i buy Restoril online, " Jim says, "so maybe that's it.

My mother is trying to follow the conversation. She can't hear so I'm wondering what she thinks she's hearing, cheap Restoril no rx.

I shout at Jim so Mom can hear, "Remember when Daddy was 80 and blind and close to dying and he called you into his room, Jim, Restoril For Sale. You sat on his bed and he put his hand on your arm and he said, "Son. Generic Restoril, You can tell me the truth. I will still love you. Are you gay. Restoril For Sale, You can tell me, son."

Jim gives a big laugh. "Yeah, Restoril recreational, I said, 'Dad, Restoril steet value, I'm not gay.' And Dad said, 'No really son, you can tell me, I will still love you.' No matter what I said, Restoril no rx, Dad kept repeating for me to please tell him the truth. Finally, Buy cheap Restoril no rx, I leaned toward Dad and I said, "No, Dad..I like big tits!' And Dad said, "oh..., Restoril reviews. I guess you aren't gay then."

"You know at the Art Studio Tour at my house last week?" I say.

Nobody in my family minds changing the subject for no real reason.

Yes, my family remembers, Restoril For Sale. Herbal Restoril, "Well, you know Summer's dad was ex husband."

Candy snorts, "We know who Ken is."

"The bathroom is right next to my art room and every time Ken used the bathroom, he started singing in a booming voice, Restoril dose. I had forgotten that he always sings when he pees. I had a packed room full of art buyers at one point and we all heard a really stirring, Online buy Restoril without a prescription, heartfelt and long rendition of "Across The Blue Horizon." The finale was the flushing toilet.

"You know what Arthur told me the other day, Jim?" I say. Restoril For Sale, Jim is still on the hot seat, apparently. Art is our other brother and while visiting him a few days ago he told me something amusing, buy Restoril without prescription.

"He told me, Jim, Purchase Restoril online, that when you were married to Debbie all those years ago, you two had Thanksgiving at your house and you charged all of us, your family, for the meal!"

"Gee Jim, Restoril pictures, did we tip well?" Candy asks. She asks because we can't remember that meal and Jim can't seem to either. Buy no prescription Restoril online, Oh well, it was a really long time ago and we forgive him.

"Mom!" Candy shouts, "can you hear anything we're saying?"

"Candy and I went to Palm Springs several weeks ago!" I holler, Restoril For Sale. "I took Lexi and Candy took her grandkids too, so the cousins could all have three days together, get Restoril. And, their mothers came. Restoril price, coupon, We went to a fancy condominium place with lots of palm trees and swimming pools!"

Mom smiles and nods.

These cousins are all younger than Lexi who is seven so you can imagine the kind of time we had. Restoril For Sale, "Here's what happened on the next to last day," I shout.

Candy snorts again and slaps her head.

I turn to Mother and yell and mouth the words, online buying Restoril.

"On Monday.....we all hiked up to another swimming pool and it was really crowded just like the one the day before. But, Restoril for sale, we managed to get some grass and we spread out all the towels and kid stuff and the kids all went in the pool with their mothers Emily and Niki, to watch them. And wouldn't you know, everyone was having a fun time when somebody passed a turd in the pool."

"A what?" Mom says, Restoril For Sale.

"A turd!" I shout. "Somebody pooped in the pool!!"

The couple at the table beside us looks over at me, after Restoril.

"And then," Candy hollers, Restoril duration, "they made everyone get out of the pool and they wrapped yellow hazard tape all around it. The kids were upset and crying and screaming because they couldn't swim anymore!"

I continue the story. Restoril For Sale, "So we all trooped up to the grass and sat down to eat peanut butter sandwiches and we got bit by red ants. And then Candy said her stomach hurt and pretty soon she started throwing up!"

"She what?" says our mother.

"Throwing up, effects of Restoril. Vomiting. Candy started vomiting!"

The couple at the next table actually frown at me.

"So we had to gather everybody and everything up and troop back to our condo which was really too far away!" Candy says, Restoril For Sale. Restoril from mexico, "And when we got back to my room, Mom," I say, "which was right next to the suite with Candy and the mothers and kids, japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, somebody knocked at my door and told Lexi and me that we needed to move out right away because the room was booked for someone else.

"I banged on Candy's door and she was in the bathroom throwing up but I yelled to her through the door that I had to leave posthaste and as soon as she got out of the bathroom she called the management and gave them hell, About Restoril, but of course she held a trash basket in her lap during the call because of the dire situation with her stomach!"

"A what?" Mom says.

"I had booked that room for three days," Candy says, "and they knew it, buy Restoril without a prescription. They just wanted to use Venus's room to be able to open the door between rooms and make it a suite for someone else. Restoril For Sale, They wanted Venus and Lexi to move to another condo!"

"Se we left," I say.

"We were very outraged, Restoril photos, " Candy says, "but of course, I was vomiting and then I got the runs so it was actually convenient that Venus had to leave and go home and she took me with her."

"Yes," I laugh, buy Restoril online cod. "We had to stop at two Starbuck's before we even got out of town because they have bathrooms and Candy didn't know if she could make it through all those mountains without suffering some dire consequences. We did however have to stop once on the side of a mountain."

"Yeah," Candy says glumly. "I slid down the embankment and peed in a red ant pile. And I told Venus when she went down the side, to watch for it, so what did she do?"

"I peed in the red ant pile."

"What pile?" Mom says, Restoril For Sale. "You did what in a pile?"

" I peed.  In a red...ant...pile!" I hollar.

The couple next to us put down their forks and look away. They are looking at the door. Restoril For Sale, Frankly, I don't blame them. This has been a disgusting conversation. But somehow, satisfying. A cheap breakfast and cheap conversation with a fine family who think alike.

Candy burps loudly. She likes to, Restoril For Sale.

The couple gets up and leaves and we do, too.

It's been a very fine morning.



Aside from being a party to disgusting conversations, I work over the phone with people and their problems, as a psychic. Restoril For Sale, Here are a few things 'Patti Anne' mentioned in a phone session with me:

"When you were talking to my deceased father, the things you were saying he said, sounded just like him. And at the end of the session you mentioned you saw him with a basket over his arm and he was saying, "Your mother and I are off now to pick berries."

"That's exactly right. We were always heading out to the woods to pick berries for pies. The berries never made it home as we ate them all in the woods, but we kept trying."

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